Never Had a Dream Come True
by livelaughlovemagic
Summary: (Unrequited!Snily) Written as a final entry in Ollivander's Challenge on Tumblr. Prompt: Snape finds out Lily is marrying James Potter.


**A/N: **My final entry for Ollivander's Challenge. My prompt was Snape finds out Lily is marrying James Potter. I was inspired by the song "Never Had a Dream Come True" by S Club 7 because I think it fits Snape perfectly. I understand there are a lot of mixed feelings about Snape in this fandom, but he is a wonderfully complex character and I honestly enjoyed writing from his point of view. Also, angsty Unrequited!Snily is an essential part of Jily in my mind. This is my first attempt at a song-fic, so let me know what you think!

**Trigger Warning:** Descriptions of abuse

* * *

**_"There's no use looking back or wondering how it could be now or might have been"_**

* * *

Severus stared dully at his childhood home. Rusty beer cans littered the cement stairs and yellowed grass poked out of a barren front yard. Walking closer, he observed traces of pale blue paint chipping on the edges of exposed wood. He hadn't visited this sad excuse for a home since the summer following his seventh year. Nearly three years later and the house had barely changed, the lack of inhabitants marking its only improvement.

According to a short entry in a Muggle newspaper, his mother had passed away a few weeks prior. The title read, "Woman dies of a weak heart." A heart attack. It was a rather mundane way to go. Weak. She had always been weak. Too weak to run away from the man abusing her and too weak to care for her only child. She died alone, apparently abandoned by her husband some time before. Her will claimed this house and all its meager possessions now belonged to her son. Severus clutched the newspaper clipping tightly in his hand, but stared at the ruins of his childhood with dry eyes.

The front door was slightly agape, likely the result of being slammed shut countless times. _His father's shouts, his mother's screams, rough hands struck against sallow skin, bruises in every hidden place, tears running down his face._ The unwanted memories threatened to flood his mind, but he pushed them aside like he had done so many times before. Neglected by his parents, he neglected to remember them. With a barely discernible frown, Severus eased open the door. Now, it was just a house, a means of shelter.

* * *

**_"You'll always be the dream that fills my head_**

**_Yes you will, say you will, you know you will_**

**_Oh baby, you'll always be the one I know I'll never forget_**

**_There's no use looking back or wondering_**

**_Because love is a strange and funny thing_**

**_No matter how I try and try I just can't say goodbye_**

**_No no no no"_**

* * *

He had never expected to return, but here he was. When he was younger, more naïve, he dreamed of something different.

_"You could run away," Lily whispered at his side._

_Severus' lips twitched upward at the idea. "Only if you come with me," he urged. _

_Lily avoided his gaze, instead staring up at the sky and biting her lips with uncertainty. "I don't know, Sev, I could never leave my mom and dad…and Tunie." _

_He frowned at this. "But they don't understand, not like you and me. Your sister hasn't even talked to you since you got back, right? Who needs them?" he inquired angrily. _

_Frustrated by this reminder, Lily answered by crossing her arms over her chest and heaving out a heavy sigh. Severus observed her tell-tale signs of anger with rolled eyes, but his heart was beating fast. He was afraid of losing her, desperate to keep her in his grasp._

_With unexpected determination, he clamped his hand around her wrist. Her emerald irises lit up in startled surprise. "I wouldn't go without you," he insisted seriously, "you're the only reason this hell hole is worth it." His muddy brown eyes pleaded with hers until she hummed out a smile._

_Clasping her hand in his, she squeezed. "Don't worry, you'll get out of here."_

_He wanted to argue her part in his future plans, but he knew her answer would be the same. Even then, he could tell she was slipping away. _

_That night he dreamed of cages. He and Lily were trapped inside. The rest of the world was shut out. He couldn't hear his father's shouts or his mother's shrieks. All he could hear and all he could see was Lily, but she yearned for more. She hollered for help and banged on the sides, desperately trying to find a way out. Suddenly, small wings started to sprout from her back. Lily didn't seem to notice, but he began to panic. He reached for her hand and tugged. He wouldn't let her fly away. The cage, the dream, those were his escape._

_But eventually he woke up. He always woke up._

* * *

**_"Everybody's got something they had to leave behind_**

**_One regret from yesterday that seems to grow with time"_**

* * *

Old mail was scattered across the floor. Mostly bills, newsletters, and magazines, but something else caught his eye. There was a letter still stuck in the mail slot. The envelope looked nicer than that of ordinary mail. Pulling it out, he noticed a faint floral design embossed across the back. Lilies. It was addressed to the house next door, but the return address indicated it was from the Evans' family. Severus tore the envelope open with a frenzied desperation. His heart sunk at its contents.

_You are cordially invited to attend the wedding of_

_James Potter & Lily Evans_

He didn't read the rest. _James Potter_. Why, of all people, did it have to be _him_? With violent motions, he tore the wedding invitation again and again, but the name was still seared into his mind. The scraps of paper littered the already dirty floor, but he paid the mess no heed. His hands were restless. He reached for his wand, gripping it tightly.

"_Crucio_!" he yelled, pointing his wand at nothing in particular. He might as well have been pointing it at himself. Breathing heavily, he lowered the wand and cradled his head into his hands.

He never understood what she saw in him. Thinking back on their last year at Hogwarts, he remembered foolishly thinking it was just a fling. Just physical. Potter possessed little intellect beyond that of the Quidditch field. Surely, Lily wanted more than that. He never dreamed it would come to this.

Retracing his memories, his mind traveled to fifth year, the scene on the edge of the lake. His biggest regret.

_Spells thrown, laughter, rage, but most of all he remembered Lily's face. So hurt and confused, and then so distant._

_"It was just a mistake," he assured her. She stared at him coldly, offering no response to his explanation. "I would never—you're not a—not _you_," he stuttered._

_Something sparked in her eyes, then. Her coldness gave way to raw anger. "What about my friends? What about _Mary_? Would you call _her _a mudblood?"_

_Snape blinked at her confusedly. But he didn't care about them. All he cared about was her. Wasn't that enough?_

_Sighing, Lily's features softened to a dull acceptance. "It doesn't matter," she insisted. "It's over, Snape. Don't try to talk to me again." With that she turned around and walked away._

_Nothing he said afterwards was able to change her mind._

Pulling his hands away from his face, he stared up at the ceiling with a pensive expression. If he had done something different, if he had held onto her longer, maybe he could have been in Potter's place. Though, in the back of his mind, he knew nothing would have changed. He made a mistake and she made a choice. She chose Potter.

* * *

**_"Somewhere in my memory_**

**_I've lost all sense of time_**

**_And tomorrow can never be 'cause yesterday is all that fills my mind"_**

* * *

That night he slept on his old cot. He had grown too tall to fit comfortably on the small mattress, but he refused to open the door to his parent's old bedroom. Temporary enlargement and cushioning charms would do for now.

Despite the charms, sleep proved difficult in his current state of mind. He tossed and turned, his body writhing as the memories struggled to escape from his carefully-vaulted mind. They came back in flashes.

_Severus watched in horror as his father struck his mother across the cheeks. Red splattered across her face as Severus cowered in the corner. He tried to make himself invisible, to sink into the walls._

The scene shifted to a few years later.

_He was prepared this time. He stole away through the back door and ran. He wanted to run far away, out of Cokesworth if he had to, but then he saw something that made him stop._

_A little girl around the same age as him was sitting by the stream. She had red hair that glowed like the sunset. As she turned around, he hid behind a bush. He noticed her eyes were green, even greener than the Slytherin robes his mother had showed him once. She was mesmerizing._

_Then, an older girl stomped into the scene. "Lily, we need to go. It's getting late."_

_"Ok, Tunie," Lily answered, smiling. She grabbed the girl's hand and was led away. Severus sat there a long while debating. He needed to see the girl again._

His memories transported him to seventh year. The first time he saw James and Lily holding hands.

_He walked to class alone. His normal group of Slytherins failed to pass their OWL's, so they were in the lower-level Potions class. He took his time, careful to get to class as close to the start as possible, desiring minimal peer interaction. As he turned the corner, he caught a glimpse of unmistakable red hair._

_Momentarily panicked, he hid behind a nearby tapestry. She wasn't alone. Potter held her books in one arm, freeing his other hand for hers. He grinned at her and she smiled at him in that way she had never smiled at Severus before. Severus' heart felt torn in two. He wanted to hex that smile off Potter's arrogant face, but he couldn't move._

Opening his eyes to the groggy morning light, the ceiling stared down at him. Severus used to lock himself in this room and count the cracks in the ceiling. He would cover his ears and wait until his parents stopped fighting or he fell asleep. But he wasn't a little kid anymore. This nightmare would not pass so easily.

* * *

**_"I've never had a dream come true_**

**_Till the day that I found you_**

**_Even though I pretend that I've moved on_**

**_You'll always be my baby_**

**_I never found the words to say (words to say)_**

**_You're the one I think about each day_**

**_And I know no matter where life takes me to_**

**_A part of me will always be_**

**_A part of me will always be with you"_**

* * *

Lily had been the only light in a life of darkness. Now, that light was barely flickering. She was just a dream, an ever-present memory.

Even so, he knew. A part of him would always be with her. "Always."

* * *

**Disclaimer: **These characters belong to the wonderful J.K. Rowling. As does the quote: "Always." The song lyrics are from "Never Had a Dream Come True" by S Club 7.


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